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this weekend, religion and sexuality scholar Donna Freitas tells college students it’s “time to stop hooking up.” The hookup “culture”—“a lifestyle of unemotional, unattached sex”—is so pervasive and obligatory on college campuses, Freitas says, that it’s become the new “conformity.” So she’s urging young people to engage in a more radical sexual experiment: Ask each other on real dates, or else abstain from sex altogether.

“Today, sexual experimentation might be getting to know someone before having sex, holding out for dates and courtship focused on romance rather than sex,” Freitas writes.

You’ll never know if he wants it too, unless you share your thoughts.

Brace yourself: There is the chance that he won’t want anything more than the hookup.

Sociological Images’ Lisa Wade, who has researched hookup culture extensively, has found that “between two thirds and three quarters of students hook up at some point during college.” Since the term “hookup” can include everything from just kissing (where around 32 percent of college hookups end) to intercourse (40 percent of hookups), that means only that college students are engaging in as little as hook up in college, 40 percent did it three or fewer times total (less than one hookup a year); 40 percent did it between four and nine times (one to two hookups a year); and 20 percent did it ten or more times.

Less than 15 percent of college students are engaging in some form of physical contact Freitas isn’t the only one who falsely believes that casual sex is “obligatory” in college.

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